The Intimate rantings of a foul mouth Whore.

Birthday

2005-11-03T18:45:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to me...... birthdays suck.

Some problems

2005-10-11T20:34:00.000-04:00

The last 3 to 4 days have been a mess. Most of the problems revolving around the computer. Saturday, after taking an hour and a half to get home from class I was informed that our computer, in some sense of the word, blew up. As Ben told it, he was playing his game on the computer when it crashed, he restarted it, and then a bit later it crashed again. This time it never started back up. After some attemps to start it, nothing worked. I start to freak out because all of my graphic and design work is on that damn computer, and I only have half of it backed up. Ontop of that my first major publication was due on Monday for my desktop publishing class and I wasn't done with it. We start calling up places to see if anyone would fix it. Saturday night, believe it or not, most of the computer geeks are out and about and the one's that weren't wanted almost $200 an hour to come and look at the damn thing. Eventually, we found a place that would take it, and someone ended up looking at it on Sunday.
Apparently, the video card that is in charge of processing all the graphics and images on the computer burned out. We got it temporarily replaced, so I could finish my school work on time.
I did manage to pull everything together, but at 11:30 Monday night I log onto the school's website to submit my work and the damn thing won't load. So now I have a new problem. All the websites in the world work fine on my computer except the one that I really need. I talked to the tech guy for 45 min. Today. We really didn't get far cause it still doesn't work. I had to drive to campus to submit my work on one of their computers. I have given up on fixing the problem today. I try it again tomorrow, but my hopes are not high. This whole thing is giving me an ulcer.

Goat Power

2005-10-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

The Jewish holidays are here, and since Ben works at a Jewish organization, he's getting a lot of time off in the month of October. Wednesday was one of those days. We both had the day off so we decided to go on a little day trip. We ventured north west and landed in Harpers Ferry, WV. The weather was beautiful, so we decided to bring the dog and go on a little hike. I don't mind hiking, and on certain occasions I find it enjoyable, but unless we have a destination goal in mind I get bored just walking for the sake of walking. I think we walked about 5 miles that day and if it was up to Ben, I'd probably still be walking on the trail right now. After our hike we stopped and had some well deserved lunch, and headed home. Needless to say, the dog and I slept well that night.
On the way back home I noticed a goat on a chain eating shrubbery on the side of the road. I made Ben stop and pull over so I could take a picture of it. Apparently, instead of buying a weed whacker, people get goats to eat their weeds. That's not something you see everyday, and I thought it was worth a picture. Something about livestock on the side of the road is entertaining to me.

Also on Wednesday night I got to talk to my old friend and roommate, Natalya. She got the DVD of Adam's house warming party and called to say how great it was. She seems to be doing well, focusing all her efforts on painting and getting together a body of work to do a solo show around the end of the year. I have to give her props for sticking with it, but I am sure if it wasn't for her parents, she couldn't afford to. She also says that there is this great artist community down in Miami that she is becoming a part of. She also works part time for a local artist who's first name is Naomi, but her last name escapes me right now. I'm almost jealous of her in a way. It's a lot easier when you are around like-minded people, and you have someone to bounce ideas off of. It's a lot more difficult when you are working in a bubble. But, you have to do what you have to do.
School is going well. The hours of work are crazy, and in a way I am glad that I don't have a full-time job right now. It would be near impossible to get all this work done. Although, my opinion changes when I open my wallet and all I see is dust. That's ok though cause I'm on a mission, and I'm going to make it whether I become homeless or not.

Bumper Stickers Gallore

2005-09-29T17:13:00.000-04:00

After countless hours of battling with server issues and sizing and resizing all my images, I have finally finished my second website for my class. I chose to honor the great and powerful bumper sticker with my site. The subject I though had a lot of potential, and if I knew everything there was to do with HTML and it's counter parts I am sure I could have made my site a whole lot cooler. But knowing what I know, I think I did a damn good job of it.
Now I have to finish my work for my other 2 classes. All this work is very overwhelming, and it seems to always take twice as long as it should. But I guess I am still learning, and a lot of learning it is. If you would like to check out my latest creation on the web clink here. Have fun.

First website

2005-09-25T10:23:00.000-04:00

I have finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. All is clear now and slowly the throbbing in my head is subsiding. One of my assignments in the Internet class this week was to make an instructional website. Basically, it's a website that will teach you how to do something. I chose stone carving because I like to think that it's something that I know how to do. At the beginning of the class I knew almost not HTML code and by the end I was typing it out like I was writing a book. I am sure that you all are curious to see what this looks like. So, here's the link for you to enjoy. It's the first of 2 that I have to make and when I finish the second one I will post that as well. Enjoy!

Busy, busy bee

2005-09-21T13:46:00.000-04:00

The past three days have been very draining, and it's only half way over.
I've been staring at a computer screen an excess of 12 hours a day. By the time I go to sleep my eyes are blood shot, like I've been smoking pot all day.
I started my week long class on Monday. Between that and the other 2 classes that I have to keep up with I'm not getting very much sleep. I'm absorbing so much info that by the end of the day I ususaly have some sort of headache. But don't get me wrong, all this learning is great. I didn't realize how much I missed it, until I actually came back to it. It's like this portal has opened up in my head that's been sealed off for years. If I didn't have to sleep I would go almost non-stop, but unfortunately, my body starts to shut down around 11:30pm.
Starting all this was really overwhelming in the beginning. Working with computers requires to to think in a different way, and I wasn't used to that. It was a struggle, but I think I am getting the hang of it. The funny thing that I have been noticing with my classes is that no one really has any type of art background. Everyone is either in computer science or something related to that. I guess MICA might finally come in handy. I'm thinking by the end of the week, I'll have become a genius, or I'll end up with a brain hemorrhage.

Little Factory

2005-09-14T19:42:00.000-04:00

Like I said in my last post, I have been crocheting at work to help pass the time. I can now add 2 more pieces to the collection that is still growing. I finished a little bag in the beginning of the week and today I finished a larger one. I have sat there for 8 and a half hours day this week and pretty much the whole time I have been crocheting. I am actually pretty surprised on how well things are starting to turn out. People have told me that I should start a website and sell them. That might not be a bad idea considering I'm going to have to build a few websites this semester anyway. The extra money would be nice and it would be great to get paid for something that I created even if it's considered a craft.
It's great to get paid to sit behind a desk and basically do anything I want. This is probably the least responsibility that I ever had in a job, and that's perfectly fine with me. Speaking of jobs, I got offered one the other day and a frame shop, but at the last minute the boss decided that he was only going to hire someone part-time, and I need more then that. Oh well, maybe one of the other thousands of job posting I have submitted to will some through. ( it's not really thousands, it just seems like that sometimes).
I start my week long internet course next week. I'm nervous about it because it's suppose to be an advanced guide to the internet and we are learning html ( which I know a little of) , JavaScript and things of that nature. I'm just hoping that this class is not too advanced, otherwise I am going to have a hell of a time. At the very least it should be interesting, and I definitely will have more then my share of school work to do next week. I'm crossing my fingers that I come out alive.
Anyway, below are pictures of the two bags that I made this week. I still want to put a lining and maybe a zipper on the bigger one, but they pretty much look like they will completely done. If anyone is interested in them, let me know. I am sure I can find a way to part with them.

Crocheting my way to Happiness

2005-09-08T17:39:00.000-04:00

I started my first class on Tuesday this week. It's a online desktop publishing class. I have never been a fan of online learning, I much prefer a traditional class room setting, but I thought that I would give it a second try. From the looks of things it's going to be challenging. Obviously there's a lot of reading to be done, my problem with that is I have a tendency to read very quickly when things are on the computer, and have a history of missing some important info. I much prefer to print things out on paper, but I am trying to hold back from that because ink for the printer is expensive, and I don't want to kill a rain forest. I guess you can call me an old fashion kinda girl, but I am trying. My next class starts this Saturday. It's a graphic design class, and after reading the course outline it seems like it's going to be packed to the brim with projects and info. Which is great, I wanna learn as much as I can. My third class is a week long course that meets for about 9 hours a day. It's sorta like a crash session. It's supposed to be an advanced guide to the internet, I just hope it's not too advanced by the looks of the books I had to buy for it.
It's going to be a pretty full load this semester, I just hope it's not going to kill me with everything else I have to do. At the very least , I'll be getting my money's worth.
On a totally different note I have taught myself to crochet. I am still working part times in the morning at the control desk at the gym Ben works. I basically get paid to sit there an do very little, I guess that makes up for the fact I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to get there. I got tired of reading for hours on end so I decided after work one day I would buy a book and learn. I have successfully made a scarf, which I might add is pretty nice. It's 50% wool, so when you put it on it's like a instant oven. My next project is to make a bag. It's a little more complicated, but I think I can handle it. I figure if I get good enough and fast enough I'll make this stuff on the side and sell it for some extra money. I think it's a good idea. Crocheting is also very meditative, so it'll help with the stress. What more can you ask for?
Overall, I am excited about the things to come. I am close to getting a real job ( looks like I might be working at a frame shop), I'm getting back into school, and hopfully I'll meet some cool people along the way. I'll post a pic of the bag when I finish it so you all can marvel at it's beauty.

Fairy Tale

2005-08-30T16:54:00.000-04:00

I don't think that I have mentioned this before, but I have found a part-time job to tie m over until I find a real one. I currently work at the gym Ben works at the control desk. My day consists of waking up at 4:30am to get to work by 5:30am and greet people and answer questions for the time that I am there. It's an ungodly hour to be waking up in the morning, but we need the money. I just don't understand how people choose to do that.
Well, today at work I decided that I would write a story since I got tired of reading. It started out simple enough and then it sorta just evolved as I was working on it. I scanned it and decided that I would share it with all of you. So here it is, sad and funny all at the same time....

Ada-rific!

2005-08-30T16:35:00.000-04:00

I came back from my trip down the east coast on Sunday. My last stop before coming home was visiting my friend Adam in Jersey. I got to see his and Leighanne's new house which is very nice, when to NYC for the day and even got fitted for a bride's maid dress. Amazing I know! NY was a good time, I got to see the new MOMA, even though the contemporary wing was closed. You would think that if a major part of your museum was closed you would either let people know before they spent $20 to get in or prorate the price. Still it was worth the trip just to see the new building. We hit a lot of stores while there. Probably the scariest was the All American Girl store. This was a new experience for me and probably strikes fear in every American parent's wallet.
On Saturday there was the house warming party. I have about 25 minutes of video footage from it that people are eagerly awaiting to see. I haven't looked at it yet, but I promise I will by the end of the night. Overall, the trip was great. It was nice to see everyone again, I don't get to do that often enough. Well, I think it's time to take a look at the footage from the party before Adam comes down here and steals my camera.

Just like the real thing, but they don't poop!

2005-08-22T17:58:00.000-04:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Home Sweet Home

2005-08-21T11:53:00.000-04:00

I'm in CT right now visiting my folks before I head off to Jersey to visit Adam and his new house for a few days. I have to say, before I left for CT I was a little nervous and stressed out about it. I hadn't been home for a few months and this was going to be the first time I was going to see my sister in almost 2 years. I've been here for about 3 days now, and it's not that bad. I have bonded a little with my sister, which is something my mom really wanted me to try to do. Last night after we went out to a family dinner I asked if my sister could straighten my hair for me. She does it to here's everyday, so I thought this would be a good way to do something together. To my surprise she actually did a really good job. After 24 years of having curly, kinky hair, last night I was able to say that I had straight hair. I looked totally different, and all I could do the rest of the night was pet the back of my hair in amazement. It took almost 2 hours but it was worth it. When I get back home I'll make sure to include a picture of this miraculous event.
I also gave my car a make over while I was here. I cleaned it inside and out, and by the time I was done you could eat off of it while starting at your reflection. It was a sight of beauty I tell ya.
This trip home is turning out well. It's the first time that I have been away from Ben in a while. It's good to take a break once in a while but I do miss him. But I'll see him again soon.

The Aristocrats

2005-08-14T16:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went with Ben and saw a movie called " The Aristocrats". We drove all the way to Arundel Mills ( aprox. 45 mins) to see this movie. Don't let the title of the movie fool you, because it's nothing of that nature. I didn't know anything about the movie before I sat down to see it, and I was in for a little surprise. Here is how The Aristocrats website describes it:

"The Aristocrats" is a joke that has been with comics since Vaudeville. "The Aristocrats" is joke that is never told in public, a private joke for comedians, so you've never heard it before. It's a secret handshake among comics. It's also the dirtiest joke you will ever hear.....
The Aristocrats has no nudity, no sex, and no violence, but it's one of the most shocking movies you will ever see. Take a deep breath. This is the power pf language spoken by professionals. Professionals trying to outdo each other with the most hysterically disgusting, offensive, fucked-up verbal images they can spit out. You'll hear descriptions that will stay with you the rest of your life, whether you want them to or not."

Basically the movie, or I should say documentary is about a joke. What's so great about this joke is thatabilitys the abilty of morph into what ever the comic wants it to be. It can take as little as a minute to tell or there have been rumors on it going on for hours. It's starts off simply like this. A man walks into a talent agent and says "I have a show for you"..he proceedes to describe what happens in the show. Most of the time it involves a family, shitting, pissing, fucking, some beastiality, incest, the list goes on. After the description of the act the talent agent asks "And what do you call this act? The man says The Aristocrats!" The beauty of the joke is it has begining and an end, but the journey in the middle is a free for all.

I would recommend this film for anyone that is a fan of great comics and has good sence of humor. I would not recommend it for squeamish, prude, and people who can't take a joke. It's not for the faint of heart. There was a least 3 couples that got up and left before then end when I saw it.

We also decided to venture back to Jillians yesterday, since we still had money left on our card and it was in the same mall. Ben and I ventured into the Photomorph booth to see what our future child would look like. If you don't know what I am talking about it's basically a photo booth that you sit in and it takes your picture and your partner's picture it allegedly than morphs the two photos together resulting in your offspring. It's scary and funny all at the same time. Take a look.

You can see the evil in the little kid's eyes.

An other one Bites the Dust.

2005-08-11T18:33:00.000-04:00

After about 2 and a half weeks and 2 interviews I got a phone message today that I yet again have been rejected, this time from The Warner Theater. It kinda sucks, but you know what? Fuckem' all!

Orioles Game

2005-08-03T22:32:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday I went to my very first professional baseball game at Camden Yards. One of Ben's clients had 4 tickets that they were given by a co-worker and invited Ben and I to go along with their teenage boy and his even more teenage date. I looked at it as a trade off, going on a double date with teenagers and getting to see a game for free. The seats were great, we had a great view of the field. There was an occasion or two where I thought my life would get by a foul ball flying into the stands, but it turned out okay. I was surprised how many balls went flying into the stands and even more surprised to see how the boyfriends stepped on their girlfriends to try to catch them.
Even though the Orioles lost to the White Sox 9-4 the game was still entertaining, especially when Sammy Sosa stepped up to bat. It's amazing how boos can go to cheers with just a swing of the bat, and vice versa. We also got to see Raffy Palmero play before they announced yesterday that he was on steroids. I'm sure he will hear his fair share of boos in the future, 3000 hits or not. Overall, I enjoyed myself a lot more then I thought I would. The dynamic of being there in person greatly enhanced the game. If I was watching it in TV, I know I would not have sat through it.
It was great to see Baltimore again. I live so close yet I don't venture up there very often. If I had my way after the game I would have gone out for drinks or something. But with 2 under age teenagers in the back seat trying to make out and Ben having to wake up early in the morning that wasn't going to happen. We ended up getting home around 12:30-1am, for a game that started at 8. It was worth it, I'd do it again, teenagers and all.

Do you remember the 80's?

2005-07-29T13:27:00.000-04:00

If you love the 80's, or if you were just around, here is a quiz that will test just how much you were paying attention. ( Quiz thanks to Athena)

80's Quiz

Axing Sex

2005-07-29T13:21:00.000-04:00

The other day I made a decision. If I had to give you a logical explanation to why I made it, you would be in for a long wait. Ben is not happy about it either. I decided not to have sex again until I am married. I know that sounds a little surprising, especially those who know me personally. Ben and I already live together, have a dog together, the only thing that we are missing is a joint checking account. And you don't have to be married to get one of those. Since I can't take back all the people that I have slept with, I thought that maybe this would sorta balance things out a bit. When I get married I want it to be something special, as cheesy as that may sound. I want the wedding night to be amazing, and if I hold off the chances of that happening are probably greater. Who knows, maybe the whole no sex thing will get things moving along faster. Besides, I haven't been in the mood to have sex in a while, so if I don't want to why should I?
On an other note I bought something off eBay the other day for a piece that I have been thinking about a lot. I told my idea to Adam, and he thought it was a good one. It has to do with ax heads. I got 10 red fireman's ax head off eBay for a little under $30 (including shipping). I am excited to get them. If they look like the picture, I think they will be perfect.

Dancing Cheetah

2005-07-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I was in Atlanta for Ben's cousin's wedding. We left town early early Thursday morning and came back Sunday afternoon. Ben was party of the wedding party once again, so this filled the weekend with a lot of activity. I got to attend the rehearsal dinner, which was interesting because I had never been to one before. I was constantly being introduced to people that I will never remember. In one ear and out the other, especially with people that I probably won't see again. I just smiled, shook their hand and said nice to meet ya.
Probably the most memorable part of the weekend was going to the bachelor party. The first stop was a pub, and then around 1:30 am or so we dragged the groom to the Cheetah Lounge in downtown Atlanta. Surprisingly enough, I'd never been to a strip club, so I was excited. If you have never been I would not recommend attending it with your significant other unless you have really high self-esteem. I was a little uncomfortable at first, I didn't really want people to know I had never been, but after a beer I settled down. I even started to give some dollars to the girls. Ben wanted me to get a lap dance, but I didn't think I was ready or nearly drunk enough.
The worst part was after we left the club and got back to the hotel. I started to feel really bad about myself especially after sitting there and seeing Ben drooling over them. I don't look like those girls, if I did I'd probably be doing the same thing. I think if I had just gone with friends I would have been a lot better off, and I wouldn't have to listen to Ben jerking off in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Needless to say it was a learning experience.
Overall, the trip was good. This marks my second time going down to Atlanta. First time because of a death and not this. Next time we go down there I hope we can spend more free time in the city, because even though I have been twice I still don't feel like I've seen it. Or maybe it's so similar to where I have been I don't notice any difference. Either way, getting away is always good, familiar or not.

P.S. I posted 2 pics from my friend Val's wedding that I went to a few weeks ago under my Marriage and Food Stamps entry,if anyone wants to look.

Bad group interview, Bad!

2005-07-26T12:44:00.000-04:00

I went to my very first group interview the other week for The Container Store. Lets just say that it didn't go that well. I know that I am more than qualified for the job, and I am sure if I had a normal interview I would have gotten it. The thing with group interviews is that there is always going to be that one person that's not going to know when to stop talking. She dominated the discussion and made us run 30 mins over. I think half way through it I just gave up. They showed us a video on how great the company is and then proceeded to talk for 2 more hours on how amazing is to work there and that they only hire "great" people not good ones. 7% was the percentage of people that they actually hire. By the end my mouth had a fowl taste in it from trying to kiss ass so much. It's just a stupid retail job and they had it sound like you were joining a cult, and everyone knows that cults are bad, except of course if I'm the leader. Needless to say, its probably for the best that I didn't get the job. I think I am destined for greater things then just selling plastic boxes.

Staring in the Mirror

2005-07-17T23:48:00.000-04:00

Everything seems simpler when you are on the other side of the story. The frustration level is at an all time high. I'm at the point now where I've started to appraise things before I think about breaking them. I can't talk about the subject anymore without feeling the blood in my heart trying to push it's way out. I can't give up, because that just not an option. If you heard the way some people talked about it you would think that it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
When I was younger I used to sit in front of a mirror, starting at myself trying to understand what was going on, but half the time wishing that the imagine would change if I closed my eyes. Now, just the sight of my reflection makes me uneasy.
Slowly I feel as though I have lost my identity. I knew who I was when I was in school, then that ended. The more time passes I'm less of the person that I used to be. No drive, no ambition, ( no friends nearby) I don't even get out of bed before noon anymore just because I see no point. All I do is exist, and it's a pretty sad existence.

Dear Diary, Today I .....

2005-07-13T23:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary,

That's how I feel I should start some of my entries in this blog. When you get down to it, that's pretty much what these things are, minus the cheap lock and generic key. Other then the people I know, I can only imagine who else reads this. If you are a stranger and feel compelled to respond, please do, and if you are someone that I have met that reads this and I don't know that you do, it would be nice to hear from you. With that aside, two somewhat important things can to be today.
I applied today to get a certificate in computer graphics at UMUC. If things go well I might dive into it further, but for right now going back to school seems like a great thing to me. As much as being in school sucked sometimes, I miss it. I know it won't be like it used to, but at least I will be doing something productive with myself. It makes me happy thinking about it.
I heard back from one of the many jobs I have applied for today. It's with the Container Store, if you are local you probably know what it is, and if not you can google it if you care enough. I was happy to hear back from them considering their online application took me an hour to fill out because each answer had to be in a form of an essay. I talked to the woman on the phone and she invited me to come to one of their group interview sessions tomorrow night. I have never been to one, so I am sure it's going to be interesting. While on the phone with her she asked me the same questions I spent an hour answering the other day. I have found that when you are having a phone interview you have to speak very quickly, cause if you don't they just cut you off. I never do well in phone interviews, I just hate phones in general.
This job is just a simple retail job, but if you heard the way this woman described it you would think I was applying to be the next Mother Theresa. In my experience, a lot of employers demand the employee to be way beyond the requirements of the job they are applying for. For example, if say you wanted to be a garbage man, being able to pick up garbage and drive a truck isn't enough, you also have to be able to analyze the molecular structure of that half eaten 5 day old moldy meatball just in case it contained the cure for cancer. Sometimes you just have to wonder and say what the Fuck! I can only imagine what's in store for me.

Marriage and Food Stamps

2005-07-12T17:55:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I have written anything. I just haven't been in the mood, but I decided today would be a good day to start up again. Since I last wrote my good friend from high school got married in Gettysburg. The ceremony was short and sweet. It was also sort of a reunion for me and my friends from high school. I have a core group of people that I went to high school with that I am still in contact with. We don't talk very often, but when we get together it seems like time hasn't changed anything. I have a feeling as we all get married off, each event will also serve as a reunion. I also attended a union ceremony in D.C. It was interesting, and it was my first one. It seemed a little anti-climatic, especially since the couple didn't even want to have the ceremony. One of the mother-in-laws was upset that they bought a house together before they got committed. I guess in the grand scheme of things there could be a lot of other reasons the parents could be upset, and none of them would involve a party.
On an other note, I just got back from the grocery store. This is a place that I frequent on almost a daily basis now that I have reach housewife status, and amazing without even being anyone's wife. It's remarkable, I know. As I was in line at the check out the woman in front of me was asking the cashier if she could use her food stamps. I kinda wanted to say, "Move over I'll pay for it, cause either way it's going to come out of my wallet." After I finished paying for my food I made it out to the parking lot where the same woman that was in front of me in line was trying to shove her children into a brand new SUV/pickup truck. It didn't even have the permanent tags yet. My question is, why does this woman have food stamps, yet is able to buy this monstrosity of a vehicle? I don't understand.
An other thing I noticed while at the store was that I forgot to put deodorant on this morning. It's always a wonderful surprise when you realize this half way through the day.

Worship me?

2005-06-26T13:26:00.000-04:00

Look what Friendster said about me today:

"Not that you would, but with your compelling presence you could start your own cult right now. Instead, dwell in the intersection of fantasy and reality -- and, yes, let people worship you."

I've always fantasize about starting my own cult, I think that would be the ultimate, minus the funky kool-aide of course.

For some fun with Jesus, click here!

Back

2005-06-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

I am back from a hiatus of everyday life with dreams of old employment and a dog that won't stop crapping. The yearly trip to NC this year was more enjoyable that it has been in the past. It was unbelievable to get way from this area and go some place where things are just simpler. The beach was great and the fact that I didn't spend my days alone was even better. We decided to bring the dog this year. It turned out better then I thought it would . She was very well behaved, for a dog. This was also the first time she had ever been to the ocean, and she didn't really know what to make of the waves. Each time one came crashing to shore she would bound away from it like bambi's mother trying to out run the bullet. It was really funny and we caught it all on tape. Also while swimming one day we saw a shark fin and needless to say we all decided it was a good time to end the swimming session for the day. Overall it was a good trip and I am not happy to be back.
Last night I had one of crazy "vision" dreams again. I dreamt that I went back to work at my old job, but not really voluntary. I was driven there by my mother in our old Volvo, and just so you know, neither are any where close to where I live. Everyone was happy to see me and one of the managers that I had become friends with gave me a great huge hug that slowly turned into us slow dancing together. This was also going on in a different building then I actually worked in. I don't know what any of this means, and I probably don't want to know.
On an other note, just in case you weren't jealous of me all ready, this should seal the deal. For the past day and a half my dog has taken a dump at least 10 times, and probably half of those times it didn't make it outside. Just when you think there's enough shit in your life.

Damage

2005-06-07T17:52:00.000-04:00

No day would be complete without someone hitting my car. People drive in a parking lot like they are racing in the Indy 500. When this woman backed into me I had to hold a lot in to keep from drop-kicking her. We were both trying to back out of a parking space. I was about 85% out of my space and before I backed out I looked twice to see if anyone was coming. Out of no where this woman rear ends me. When we got out of the car nothing had happened to her car but as you can see there was damage on mine. She looked at me and said since it was no one's fault that we don't have to exchange insurance info. The hell we don't and she may think it's no one's fault, but that's usually what you say when you're guilty. I reported a claim and we will see what comes out of it. It just goes to show that when you think it's can't get worst, it always can.

New form of rejection

2005-06-07T13:54:00.000-04:00

I got off the phone about an hour ago with a second staffing agency that I was referred to. In a more polite manner I was told that I wasn't good enough for them to try to find me a job. It's not something that I am too surprised about, but I think in a way it's nice to finally hear someone say that rather then have me wondering. After rejecting me, the very nice woman told me that I should call their main branch because chances are they would probably have a better time finding me a temp-to-hire position. The closest I can come to describing this feeling can be found in high school. Senior year in high school you could be in 1 of three types of classes, AP, regular, and the " got knocked in the head a few to many times" class. I think I am one step away from the bottom.
Anyway, something will eventually have to happen. I'm just going to have to lower my standards. It's just a shame they weren't that high to begin with.

Mocha with a little splash

2005-06-05T00:36:00.000-04:00

I dyed my hair yesterday to the new mocha #44 version of myself. I thought it was time for a change, besides I was tired of having half my hair be dark brown and the second half of it be light golden brown. I don't even know how it got that way, I never dyed it that color. I look more uniformed now, and somehow a little less ghetto.
Ben and I bought a camcorders today. Spent way too much money that I don't have, but I charged it, so who cares, right? The main reason we bought it was because we wanted to make naughty movies and put them on the internet so we can become famous like Paris Hilton. And then sue anyone that tries to look at it. HA! No, the real reason is that we are going on our annual family trip to NC on Saturday, this year with the dog, and we wanted to be able to document it. God only knows how the dog is going to react to this trip. I have a feeling she's going to drive me nuts and she's going to accidentally get swept off to sea on a flotation device. I have spent more time and I have ever wanted with that dog since I have become a house wife. But I guess she's a good dog when you get down to it. I'm looking forward to this trip, it will do me some good to get away from it all.

The infamous Chloe Dog. She's a killer.

Six Feet Under

2005-06-02T16:00:00.000-04:00

For all you people out there that like Six Feet under I have a clip from the new season. The new season starts on Monday 6/6 @9:00 Enjoy

Tasty

2005-05-27T14:45:00.000-04:00

In honor of Memorial day and the unofficial start of summer here is a picture of the best summer salad in the world. I've already made it twice in 2 weeks for people. Isn't it beautiful? Nothing like a nice cold Greek salad on a hot summer day. Mmmm!

Starting New

2005-05-26T19:41:00.000-04:00

The day has come. I started working on my artwork again after a 3 year hiatus. As you can see from the picture, it's not much, but great things take time. It's weird trying to get back into it, not just because I haven't done it in a long time, but it's also a different way of thinking. It's going to be a self portrait. I never made one in 3D while I was in school, so I thought that I would start there. It's a little intimidating, but I am sure something great will come out of it. The important thing is that I am trying to head in the right direction.
In other news, no word from the head hunter and not one response from any companies. The quest for a new job continues.

How Yoda get's the ladies.

2005-05-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

For all you Star Wars fanatics, this one's for you.

Your Amazing Yoda Sex Line

"Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"

The Amazing Yoda Sex Line Generator

What Blue Bird?

2005-05-24T23:27:00.000-04:00

I'm still freakin' sick! This missery thing is going too far. What ever happened to the sun shining and the blue bird on my shoulder thing? When's that going to happen?

Hunting Heads

2005-05-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

I'm sick today. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I caught a cold when it seems like everyone else in the world doesn't have one. And no it's not allergies. Because of my lack of direction right now, I have been going to the gym and being more physical. Besides the fact that every part of my body has been in pain at one point or an other this past week, it's been interesting. Once I can move without discomfort, I think I'll be okay.
I did end up going to that head hunter on Thursday. I'd never done anything like that before, I don't really have much faith in these agencies, but I figured what do I have to loose. I only met when the guy for about 15 min factoring in all the time he had to leave the office to get a tissue to blow his nose. He asked me why I was looking for an other job and what I wanted to do. I told him that my boss what crazy (seriously) and I wanted to work for a company that had it's hand in something in a creative field. Who knows what's going to result from that statement. He told me that he would get back to me in a week and if I don't hear from him to give him a call. In my experience, when someone tells you if you don't hear from them call, that usually means they don't want to talk to you. Well, like I said, no lost. Maybe a weeks from now I'll be eating my words, that's not something I would mind.

Jobless Braids

2005-05-17T18:02:00.000-04:00

I have decided to teach myself how to build a website from scratch. I have a book on learning HTML and I decided to use it to do something productive with my time. Besides, if I don't try to stimulate myself I'll end up jumping off my balcony (that's four floors till gravity catches up to me). If you want to see what progress I have made in teaching myself you can click on the "experimental" link on the main page of my blog and that should direct you to my site. There's not much to see right now, but I'm still learning.
On an other note, I'm getting lonely. I spend my day trying to find a suitable job and doing a bunch on random shit. I braided my hair in pig-tails today, and I do have to say I look mighty darn cute. Aside from the pig-tales, the job hunt isn't going so great. I haven't really been able to find anything worthwhile. I have an interview with a head hunter on Thursday, I'm pretty skeptical about it. I have heard that people miss me at work, I'm not surprised, I'm a really great person,well, at the very least above average. I hope I find something to do soon, it hasn't even been a week yet but I have a feeling I'm going to have to invite my imaginary friends over for company.

Little Girls Shouldn't Stare

2005-05-15T11:17:00.000-04:00

Since I quit my job things have been going okay. It's kinda weird to think that I don't have to go to work on Monday. It's about this time on Sunday when I start to feel the overwhelming anxiety as I fear Monday drawing near and an other week of mindless office work. I won't miss that feeling.
Yesterday, after hanging out at Athena's and watching all the Star Wars movies that I could take I decided to come home and spend some time with Ben. I didn't invite Ben to go with me to Athena's, and he wasn't too happy about that, I don't blame him cause that was a really bitchy thing for me to do. Anyway, I came home and decided to go out to dinner to this Indian place called Tandori Nights. The food was great but throughout the whole meal this little girl at the table next to us was staring at me. I don't mean just glancing at me from time to time, I mean she physically had to turn her body around and look at me and that's how she ate most of her meal. The girl could have been no more then 3. I don't know what it is with little kids, as long as I can remember they have always had this fascination with me. Maybe when they're young they are kinda like dogs, they can smell your fear. Cause I sure as hell don't want to have one of my own. Next time this happens, which will been in the near future I'm sure, I'm just gonna stare back and see who wins. I would put my money on me.

Do Dreams Really Come True?

2005-05-12T11:10:00.000-04:00

I had a dream last night. It involved my old high school friends, me and a boat. The basic story was my friends were on one end the the boat and I was on the other ( the boat is the size of a cruise boat). In order for me to get to them I had to cross over a part of the boat that had no railing and was really low to the level of the water, all the while the boat was swaying back an forth. I have a fear of falling off boats into the water, probably because I can't swim too well. Anyway, in my dream I managed to suck it up and pass to the other end of the boat and meet up with my friends. When I got there apparently I was in a really happy mood, because they were all asking me why I was so happy, and it was probably because I conquered my fear.
Before I had this dream last night I decided that I was going to go into work today and quit for good. And that's what I just did. Hopefully, I am doing the right thing, because from the dream I had it feels like I should be.

HCP

2005-05-11T19:10:00.000-04:00

On my way home I saw a motorcycle with a handicap licence plate on it parked in a handicap space. I just don't get it.

Looking Back

2005-05-11T14:03:00.000-04:00

I spend about an hour yesterday, during the last half of my time at work looking at Friendster. I ended up finding a bunch of people that I went to art school with. It was interesting to see what they were up to. With most of them it looks like are doing the same thing they did in school. Those of them that mentioned what their occupation was, said they were teachers. It was cool to sit and reminisce, but it also was a bit depressing because I miss everyone, and I miss the environment. Even during the not so great times, it was still pretty darn good.

Just scrape me off the bottom

2005-05-09T17:13:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting at work and I can hear my stomach trying to tell me it's hungry, but there's not really much I can do about it right now. I could distract it but trying to find something to work on, but why should I even bother. I finished my project that I was working on last week. As far as I could tell that was the only reason why I was still here. Now that it's over, why am I still sitting here? None of my supervisors tell me anything, like if I'm doing a good, or even bad one. I could come in and just stare at a blank computer screen for 8 hours and I don't think anyone would even say anything. So, I've just stopped caring. That's all you can really do. I've looked for other sources of income, but they all seem like the same dead-end office job, why bother.
I tried looking online today at the University of MD website to see what kind of graphic art programs they offer. But somehow or another I ended up asking for a brochure from a school in San Francisco. I didn't realize until I checked my email and saw the confirmation. Maybe its a sign? Maybe I'll listen to it one day.
The self-esteem-o-meter is low today. I have to find a way to get out of this funk. Every once in while I have urges to do crazy things, sometimes bad and sometimes not so bad. But this funk is going to end up killing me. Maybe I'll chop all my hair off, or dye it blonde. It seems like now-a-days my hair gets more attention then me. I don't think it's all that great, it's just dead protein. My ass should be the one that's getting all the attention, considering that it's growing faster then my hair. Too bad I can't chop that off.

Pearls Before Swine

2005-05-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

I found this comic in the Washington Post today and I couldn't help but relate to it.

Home Sweet........ Home

2005-05-03T22:44:00.000-04:00

I came back from CT yesterday, and today I went back to work. Going back was a hard thing to do, especially since I never liked the place to begin with. My trip home was good. We brought the dog, which made the trip more of an effort, but she had a good time. It was nice to be home and see my parents and family. The older I get the more I think I appreciate them. Seeing my family usually ends up being a good time, there's usually no lack of entertainment and laughter. Sometime I think about moving closer to home, because I fear getting older and realizing that I should have spent more time with my family when I had the chance.
I also heard news about my sister when I went home. For those of you that don't know, she was the one that dropped out of school to be kidnapped by a 30 something , and taken clear across the country because they were in love. The key word in the statement was "were". Apparently, not long ago the guy decided that my sister and him were not compatible (no shit, he's at least 12 years her senior) and that it would be best of they broke up. I guest the news could have been worst, I could have found out that she was pregnant. So, this guy screwed up her life for nothing. The day I found out she dropped out of school for this guy I knew that eventually he would be bored with her and toss her to the side. She's still living with him and doesn't want to come home, because she says she wants it to be her decision to come home, not someone else's. She also said that she made friends there. I say, if she left her friends back here, she can leave her friends back there. Now it's up to me to call her up and try to talk some sense into her. Try to convince her to come back home or at the very least come stay with me. I rather her go home, but for my parents I will put up with her living with me. Needless to say, there is never a lack of drama in my life. I just wish it was something good for a change. We'll see what happens.

Jesus loves Skirts

2005-04-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I have written anything. Life has just been as peachy as ever. Still in the same crappy job. Still have a boyfriend and still living in the same apartment. I'll be going home to visit my parents this weekend to celebrate the Greek orthodox Easter. I'm not religious and I don't really go to church, but it makes my parents happy and if I can do that for them I can deal with the sacrifice. Who knows, maybe when I die that will make the difference between taking the elevator up rather then down. Maybe some spirituality will do me some good. You always hear stories of people finding Jesus and finally feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Maybe he'll make an extra effort and smack me upside the head when I walk into church. One thing that really bothers me about church is the fact that women are not allowed to wear pants. And that's just the beginning of my issues. That's like saying you're a woman and that's why you can't vote. It's bullshit, especially since I hate wearing skirts. It just takes too much effort. Last year I wore fishnets, and that was frowned upon. I figured if I was going to have to wear a skirt I might as well have some fun with it. But that's just me.

The End

2005-04-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

Our 4 year anniversary was about a week and a half ago. I took Ben out to dinner to celebrate and that night he got violently ill from food poisoning. I have been having dreams about other men lately, usually no one in particular. I also had a dream the other night that my teeth were falling out, which from some reading I did means that things need to change or improve. Now people are mad at me because I don't want to spend 2 weekends in a row with his grandparents. It's raining outside and they want to see the cherry blossoms and they can't take the Metro. The way I see it is I'm not your wife, I'm not your fiance, I'm not part of your family,I'm just your stupid girlfriend. A huge emphasis on stupid. So, if I'm just your stupid girlfriend, why am I expected to have the responsibilities of your wife? In a time of my life where all my friends are getting married, it seems like I'm going in the total opposite direction. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore.

Life in an Office Chair

2005-03-22T11:22:00.000-05:00

Another day another dollar, another notch on the latter of depression and self esteem, isn’t that what they say? I just finished looking at my old college roommate’s website. We had a falling out after we graduated because she was crazy and I wasn’t and we haven’t talked since. She’s now a teacher in Kentucky somewhere, but she is still doing her artwork (good or bad) and that’s what I am really jealous of. I used to have the ambition to make things work, but I think the man beat it out of me. I’m tired of working in an office and sitting on my ass all day. It’s not me, there’s just so much more. This is probably just a test, I’ll either pass or I will kill myself in the process. When the weather gets nice, I’m going to move my workbench outside and start carving again, whether I know what I am doing or not, for the sake of all humanity and my sanity.

Too Far Under Weather

2005-03-14T19:58:00.000-05:00

I'm sick, I have been for about a week. It's ranged from uncontrollable sneezing to today were my throat fells like it's been stripped with acid, and I have a cough. So every time I cough it feels like someone is scratching my throat. It really sucks, it's all I can say. I had Ben all out of work for me today. Work is a whole other story. My whole life is in limbo right now. I sorta have a job but kinda don't at the same time and I can't find anything else to do. If I though my life wasn't fulfilling before, now it's just ridiculous.
I took a bath today for the first time in forever. Usually, all I have time for is a shower, but I thought it might make me feel better. It felt good to sit in the warm water, but my tub is too shallow and only half of me was under the water at best. It still felt good, until I had to get out. Ah, well, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Dancing Drunk with a Dog

2005-03-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

It’s Friday and the week is an hour from being over. I just got a phone call from Ben a little while ago telling me that he’s gonna go to the Wizard’s game tonight and there’s no ticket for me. I’ve been looking forward to Friday since Sunday night, and I am sure that many other people have as well. So now I have to figure out what I can do tonight. I am pretty sure that I will end up doing nothing, but I like to be a little optimistic sometimes. What I really wish I had was some pot, but I don’t and that’s that.

I still don’t know if I’m going to have a job on Monday. It seems like years ago that I put in my resignation letter, and I’m still here. I should be happy that I still have a job, but I just want to get on with my life. I am still training the new girl that is going to replace me. She is already showing signs that she’s not going to make it. When I explain the duties that the job entails, she kinda just looks and with the “are you kidding me look”. I don’t blame her. It’s all a load of crap. What they need to do is hire someone that has no personality and does nothing but examine the inter workings of computers. Basically, the only person that will even remotely happy in the job is a geek. Everyone else, it’s just going to be a matter of how long they can take it.

I’ve even considered becoming a librarian. They tell me that no girl has ever been one. One of the qualifications for the job is that you are able to lift 50 pounds (which I can do). I don’t know if they would even consider giving me that position. All I really want is an answer. I don’t think that’s too hard to ask, and I am tired of trying to pry it out of people. I just won’t show up on Monday, and I think that will give them a hint.

Despite all of this I feel good. I don’t know why. When I mean good, I don’t mean like a euphoric kind of feeling, I just mean not depressed. Right now though I am at work and bored out of my mind. This is the first time since I started that I don’t have anything to do. Now that I have finally caught up with the job and gotten some what competent at it, I’m leaving. Isn’t that how it always goes.

Maybe I’ll get drunk tonight and dance around my apartment with my dog.

Sucking on a Tic-Tac

2005-02-27T00:51:00.000-05:00

I met my replacement on Monday. I didn't know that she was coming in, so when I got to work on Monday there was a surprise waiting for me. I knew the day was coming that I would have to train my replacement, but I thought that I would have at least a warning. Anyway, she's a nice girl, and I wish her the best of luck in the position. Hopefully, she can be all that I was and all that I wasn't willing to be. One thing is kinda funny though. She looks very similar to me. We both have the long dark curly hair and similar facial features, but I'm taller. I guess when they put out the ad for the position that also posted my picture. I never knew how replaceable I could be. Supposedly, I have at least one more week there, but at this stage of the game anything can happen.
As for a new job, I haven't really been putting as much effort as I should be towards finding a new one. I don't know what my problem is. Maybe because this quitting processes has been drawn out for over a month and I don't think I will ever leave. I know that one of the major problems is all the jobs out there really suck. I don't want to go through this again. I want to start a career, not start an other meaning less job. I'm tired of working for the man, when's he gonna shove his dick back into his pants and stop being a bitch!? Life's to short to being doing something that you hate. I think about that everyday, and everyday I try to get one step closer to figuring out what's going to make me happy, and feel fulfilled at the end of the day. I think of it this way; I'm sucking on a Tic-Tac right now waiting for the Thanksgiving turkey to get out of the oven. And when it does, I'm gonna have one hell of a feast!

Begone Teeth!

2005-02-20T16:28:00.000-05:00

Since I am going to be leaving my current job soon, I decided while I have insurance I would go see a dentist. That turned out to mean that I have a cavity and all my wisdom teeth hit the end of the road. I wasn't surprised about the cavity, and that wasn't really a big deal, but I was surprised about my wisdom teeth. I'd never had problems with them, I figured if they don't bother me then why should I bother them. I guess if everyone thought that way there would be a lot less dentists in this world (that may not be a bad thing). So, I went on Friday to get them yanked. I was put to sleep, so I don't remember anything about it. But, before they drugged me I asked if I could have my teeth after they were done. They said they would give them to me, but after I was done I was so drugged up that I forgot to ask for them. They probably sold them to the underground world of denture thieves for a hefty price. I can just picture it now, Grandma isn't really playing bingo down at the church, she's working on a plan to rule the world by stealing everyone's teeth!
Honestly, I just wanted to see them. I'm used to seeing them in my mouth, but I figured I would gain a whole new perspective if I could look at them from my hand. Plus I could take funny pictures of them and make them into super heros. My dreams are over now, that will never happen cause grannies got them.
The whole procedure wasn't that bad. I thought I was going to be really nauseous after, cause I ususally am, but I was just fine. I wore an ice pack on my face all day and the next day I was fine. I wasn't even swollen. Those of you out there that have had the wisdom teeth pulled and had a hard time probably didn't want to hear that. Anyway, that's that.

Snowshoe MT.

2005-02-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

Snowshoe Mountain

Ben and I went to Snowshoe, WV last weekend. It was the first time that I had ever been to West Virginia and the first time at a ski resort. We left on Friday and it took us about 5 hours to get there. The view from the top of the Mountain was amazing, nothing like the crap I see on a daily basis. We didn't ski, cause I just can't find it in me to strap to sticks to my feet and slide down the side of a Mountain. We did snowshoe, which was an experience. We went for a 2.5 mile hike with these things strapped to our feet. We were on top of a mountain in the middle of now where. The best part about it was when you stopped moving it was completely silent, you couldn't even here a a piece of ice fall. I don't think I've ever experienced complete silence before. The lack of sound was amazing. After snowshoeing we took a night time tour of the slopes on snowmobiles. This part of the trip was worth all the waiting. At first when the guys explain to you the things you should and should not do while on the snowmobile I started to have second thoughts. Especially when the word bear was used. But then after a few practice minutes on the bunny slope I was good to go. It was such a rush. I would go there again just to snowmobile.Overall the trip was a much needed break from all the stress of everyday life. A weekend wasn't long enough. I can't wait to plan the next one. For once this entry will end on a happy note.

Humming is the first sign......

2005-02-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

I’ve started to hum to myself while I am at work. That’s where I am right now. It’s only 8:30 in the morning and it feels like I have been here for hours. I hum to myself because I am stuck in a corner all day, alone. The only companion that I have is the stack of papers that sit on my desk until I decide to either shred them and end the agony or pretend to solve the problem. 90% of the time the shredder wins. I feel that humming is the first sign of madness, like the kind that Edgar Allen Poe had. Pretty soon I’ll be listening for the beating of a human heart coming from under my desk. I’ve taken up a new hobby. It’s called sleeping. When I come home from work the first thing that I want to do is go back to sleep. My bed is the one place in the world where my problems don’t matter , plus I have really crazy dreams. For example, the other night I had a dream that the company that I currently work for went out of business. Everyone that I work with was in the dream and I remember the president of the company coming in and saying to pack everything up cause we are closing. I thought to me in my dream, “well, it’s better to get laid off then get fired.” I woke up smiling from that dream until I realized that it didn’t really happen. That’s always the worst part. I know that the reason that I have this desire to sleep all the time because I am not happy with my current situation, but I also think it’s because I have to be at work by 7am. No matter how much sleep I get the night before, I will always wake up tired. It also doesn’t help that I don’t look forward to going to work. I am working on a solution to this problem, but I think I need to sleep on it first.

2005-01-29T15:24:00.000-05:00

This is a comic that I found in the Washington Post the other day that I thought was great.
In the last frame he's saying "Shhhhhhh" for those of you that can't make it out. I don't know what it is about that character, but I think I relate to him.

2005-01-24T18:27:00.000-05:00

Marylin
This is a great picture that I found while I was looking through photos on Ebay. It was selling for a few thousand, so I just cut and pasted it for free.

Sad Voula

2005-01-24T18:22:00.000-05:00

Sad Voula
This is what's I'm going to look like when I loose my job and become homeless.

First time for everything

2005-01-24T17:00:00.000-05:00

There's a first time for everything. It's very close to being the first time that I get fired. I have until tomorrow morning to decided whether I'm going to wait to get fired or bow out gracefully and give my 2 weeks. There's a big part of me that just wants to go in there tomorrow and look them in the eyes and just say, fuck this shit and walk out. Of course this would not be the most professional and wisest thing to do. But the satisfaction would be tremendous. I'm probably going to walk in there tomorrow and give my 2 weeks like the good girl that I am. On the bright side, once I quite I can smoke as much pot as I want again.
At the job that I currently have, I am a customer service whore, along with being a receptionist and solving everyone's problems. I had a meeting with the president of the company and my 2 supervisors today, and basically what it boils down to is I don't sound happy enough when I answer the phone. They also told me that I don't always sound confident in my answers over the phone. Well, shit.... Maybe because half the time I don't know what the fuck I am talking about cause you fuckers never took the time to teach me. It's like screaming at a dog because the first time that you told him to sit, he just looked at you and walked away. How is the dog suppose to know what you mean. Anyway, like I said, I'm that bitch. I could pretend to be happy when I answer the phone, and I don't just mean sounding chipper. I mean sounding so happy that I sound deranged, and highly medicated.
Speaking of sounding happy and being medicated, I recently bought a bottle of St. John's Wort. For those of you that are not familiar with this it's basically a "herbal supplement" that's suppose to help balance your mood and make you happy. What a load of bullshit that is. All this time I thought it was me, and it's really just my job.
Now I am on a search for a job that will make me happy, and I have 2 weeks to do it. I've been looking for 3 years, how this is going to happen in 2 weeks, I don't know. Maybe this is happening to help push me find what I really want to do, or it's the first step to becoming homeless. I rather not think of the later choice.

On an other note, I'm still looking for people that want to run away from it all. If you are that special someone, just let me know.

Second time around

2005-01-20T18:08:00.000-05:00

It's almost Friday, and I am very grateful for that. Today our "president" got sworn into office for his second term. The party is going to cost 40 million dollars and that doesn't include the private ones. The city of DC, which has enough financial problems as is, is going to have to shell out half of a 20 million dollar security bill. For 20 million I say let them just shoot the fucker. But that's just me. I listened to this all day today, because right above my desk at work they have a TV that plays CNN headline news all day. For those of you that have never seen this version of CNN, it's for those people that have major ADD, cause they repeat themselves every 5 mins. By the time I leave this job I'm going to be qualified enough to be one of their news anchors. What's really sad is I know all the news anchors names. My favorite one is Robin Meade, she's pretty. You should see me on a day where one of the regular anchors don't show up and there's a sub. I get really concerned, and have this need to call CNN and ask them if the anchor is ok. As of now, I have been able to fight off the urge.
Today was also the day my sister went back to her other life in Arizona. I decided against going up to CT and seeing her. I have come to the conclusion that my life is not going to get thrown upside down every time she decides that she wants to be part of our family again. I didn't even really get to talk to her. I don't care. I just know that it's hard on my parents and that's what bothers me. There's not much I can do.
On an other note, I think that I might want to pursue a career in the culinary arts. The first art program that I tried didn't turn out too well, so I thought I would give this subject a try. It's still a preliminary thought, but we'll have to see how far it goes. I think that I would make a damn good chef. If that doesn't work out, I'll become a mechanic. That way no one can yell at me for being dirty.

2005-01-16T17:47:00.000-05:00

This is where I went this weekend. It's called Great falls and it was beautiful.

She's coming back....

2005-01-14T13:18:00.000-05:00

I got news yesterday that my sister was coming back to CT. It came as a big surprise to me. I haven't seen her since she ran away about a year ago. She's only coming for a few days and she's coming alone. I asked my mother why the guy wasn't coming with her, and she said he's probably scared that we would beat the crap out of him. I don't blame him for being scared, because I would just loose it if I saw him. Usually, I can tell how I would react to certain situations, but I have no clue what would happen if we were ever face to face, and that leaves me uneasy. He still believes that he did not wrong, so why would he be scared? His excuse for not coming is that we couldn't take the time off from work. Now the question is, do I go up to CT and see my sister or do I just stay here. My parents don't think I'm coming. I don't know what to do. I laid in bed till noon today trying to figure everything out. It didn't work. I took a shower, didn't work. Now I'm sitting here and I still don't know. Does anyone want to run away to a far off land with me? I promise it will be an adventure.

Everything's changed, but not better

2005-01-13T19:37:00.000-05:00

I got a new job, I got a new car, new apartment and almost a new boyfriend, so I should be happy, right? Nope... No happiness for me. The new job sucks. It sucks so much that I make up excuses in my head all the time to not go. It's an ongoing battle and either way you cut it, I'm losing. The only way that I can explain this job is that I was tricked. I was fambousled, damnit! They made it out to seem a lot better then it actually is when I was applying for it. I guess I should have known better. There is not one thing I like about this job, not one. Usually, you can come up with something, even if it's as stupid as you like the way your office chair cushions your ass checks. But no, I don't even have the ass check satisfaction at this job. I sit in a corner all day and try to figure out where everyone's stuff is. Like I could give a rat's ass. This job has no heart. I can't picture myself working there a year from now, or making a career out of this. The environment is so cold. It's really lonely too. Not that I go to work to hold hands and sing campfire songs, but you should have some sort of passion for what you do or what you sell, or something. I made a bad move. I am glad that I don't work at Arena anymore, but I miss it sometimes. At least there I knew what I was talking about and I was surrounded by people that I liked. And I was good at what I did. Now it seems like what ever I do I'm not good enough. And on top of all this I'm not going to get the salary that I negotiated for. When I found out about that I told them that I would have to reconsider my position at the company. Meaning, I'm going quit if you don't gimme my money, screw you mother fuckers. So now I am looking for a new job again. It's just too much effort and a whole lot of praying. My knees are sore! I'm considering going to CT and living with my parents for a month, so I can take a break and figure out what my next move should be. I should have never gone to art school, what the fuck was I thinking!?? Anyway, that's the story of my unfulfilled life. Next chapter coming soon......

New Car

2004-12-13T19:26:00.000-05:00

I'm getting a new car. YEEE HAWWW!!!! (lets just hope I can pay for it, just a minor detail)

A New Chapter

2004-11-23T19:18:00.000-05:00

So, I 'm back, after a long hiatus. I think it's been about 2 months since I have written anything. A lot of things have changed since then. I have a new job, new apartment, and hopefully soon a new car. Things are different. I think that it's too soon to know whether or the difference is going to be good or bad.
My new job is a customer service rep. At this place that I can't talk about or they will come and get me. And for once that's not a joke. They have gone as far as requiring me to get a "Top Secret Clearance" from the department of defense. I even had to sign over all my privacy rights. They probably know what I'm gonna write before I do. Anyway, that's pretty much all I can say about that. It's definitely a far cry from Arena Stage. I don't think I could have found a job that's more different unless I became a Port-a-potty cleaner. But, I have too much shit of my own to have to worry about cleaning someone else's.
Along with the new job came a new apartment. Within a week of getting the job I had signed a lease to a new place. I have to say that I like my new place a lot better then my old one. It's a lot quieter and it's only a 5 minute commute to my job. That really helps when I have to be at work by 7am. That's what's really ruff. The girl that loves to sleep in going to work before the sun rises. I am trying to get used to it, but my body keeps trying to fight it. Every morning it's an internal struggle between good and evil to get me out of bed. I hope I eventually win. In exchange for going to work early I get to go home early. I am home by 4 everyday. And since I have no life all I do is come home. My apartment is still not fully put together since the move. Everyday on the 5 minute car ride home I tell myself I am going to clean and organize and then when I get home I do nothing. I have come to the conclusion that because my drive is so short I don't have enough time to convince myself before I get home. If you can't tell, I have a lot of conversations with myself. So I get home and do nothing. I just don't know what to do with myself. So I wait for Ben to come home. And when he comes home, I continue to do nothing. Sometimes I cook dinner, yippe!
I have no motivation anymore. I used to have such passion, but now I rather take a nap. I spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror. Not in a vain way. But rather in hopes that I'll eventually see something. I make excuses for myself all the time to justify to myself why I am not doing something. I know I should go to the gym, I know that I should try to start working on my art again (in one form or an other), but I don't. They weren't kidding when they said once you stop it's hard to start up again. To bad motivation isn't like smoking, once you start you can't stop.
I miss people a lot. I miss the people that I left behind. They were more then just co-workers, they were like my own little disfunctional family. As shitty as the job was, at least I had them to help me get through. I know it was for the best that I left, but it still bothers me. Now, I'm gonna cry, so I have to end this for now.

It's been so long......

2004-11-12T16:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry that it has been so long since I have written. My prayers have been answered. I got a new job and a new apartment so things have been a little busy. But I will be back soon. Just you watch!

Men on horses and a pit of sand.

2004-09-21T18:44:00.000-04:00

It's been over 2 weeks since I last posted anything. I haven't really had time too, especially since we are so short staffed at work right now. But, I have gone on some adventures during my hiatus. About a week ago I went to Medieval Times in Arundel Mills. This was my second visit to this magical place. The first time I went was in 8th grade to the one in Northern NJ. For some reason the second visit just wasn't the same. The people in the crazy costumes were cool when I was younger, but now all I see is a really inverted Dungeon and Dragons fanatic that works at Medieval Times to fulfill one of his fantasies.
After we got past all that we made our way into the stadium. We were in the Red Knight's section. Last time I went I was black and white. They showed us to our table where they proceeded to cramp us in so tight that our shoulders were touching. There were a few minutes between when we sat down and when the “show” started. As I was looking around I came to the realization that Medieval Times is a lot like one of the theatres that we have at Arena Stage. It’s a theatre in the round with the stage in the middle and seating on all 4 sides. This is acutely the same layout as Medieval Times, except now there was a put of sand in the middle and there were gay men riding around on horses wearing tights. Oh wait; now that I think of it Camelot was just like that, minus the sand, and with some extra fruitiness for the flavor. Anyway, so make a long story short, our knight lost, that bastard! But there was a lot of jousting and men rolling around in the sand with each other. It could have been the beginning of a very interesting porn flick. Or maybe they should do what they do in Amsterdam and have a live sex show, but this time it will be in the round and there’s sand involved. I know you think that I am crazy, but it might work, you never know. This is going to be the end of this posting. I started it at 11 this morning and now its 6:40 PM. I don’t have it in me to write anymore and my boss just threaten to eliminate me in a mafia sorta way.

PS. Since my friend Adam has been pluging my blog on his website I thought that it would only be fair to plug his website on my Blog. So if you get a chance, and you should, check out his website. It's a great place to visit when you need to take a break and laugh.
http://www.freewebs.com/adamreck

This one time, in art school.....

2004-09-10T15:56:00.000-04:00

I don't really have anything to say, but I feel compelled to write something. It's like those writing exercises that you did when you were in high school. The one where as soon as the bell rang the teacher would hand you a piece of paper and tell you that you have to write for 10 minutes without stopping. And then the first thought that would run through your head is, "what the fuck am I supposed to write?" If you didn't write anything, the teacher would stare you down until you started. Usually at that point you would be cursing out the teacher. Sometimes it was fun. The fun ended when the teacher called on you to read it out loud and all you had on your piece of paper was a Satanic chant against your teacher and stick people doing unmentionable acts.
I had to do this type of thing one time when I was in college during our senor thesis class. The professor gave us an hour to sit and write about our work. How we make it, what we think about it, where it came from, etc. After an hour I had written 15 pages, and not one of them made any sense. This was to help us write our thesis statement for our exhibition. We put all this effort into it and the funny thing is that we never even used it. By the second semester that professor, who was also the chair of the sculpture dept. was gone. All that effort, and 2 years later and I still don't know what to say about it.
See, look at that. I started out with nothing to really say, and now look. What I wanted to say is that my feet hurt and I would like to take a nap.

My Calling? and a Birthday Celebration

2004-09-04T13:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, at work a series of events lead me think about maybe going back to school and getting into advertisement/marketing. I never really thought about it until yesterday, but I think it could be something that I would really enjoy doing. Of course, I'm gonna have to do some research into it before I dive right into it. I do think that it would allow me to be creative and be constantly challenged and stimulated. My perspective of this may be totally different then what it really is, but until I find out otherwise this is what I'm gonna believe. Regardless, it would end up being more stimulating and interesting then the job that I currently have. And if you don't know about my relationship with my current job feel free to read some of my previous postings. Anyway, I will keep you posted about my progress with my research on the subject.

On a totally different subject, I would like to Congratulate Mike for making it past his 24th Birthday celebration. For a moment I didn't think that he would make it throught the night, let alone go to work the next day. That little bastard sure is full of surprises. If anyone wants to see what I am talking about I put together a website that features the pictures taken during the night. It's on yahoo and it's a free site so it doesn't always cooperate when you try to view it. But if you can get onto it, it should serve to be quite interesting. I will also apologize in advance for the monkey that appears on the third page. I don't know how he got there, honestly. Check it out for yourself. http://www.geocities.com/voulatartist

All about me in 10 minutes or less.....

2004-08-27T18:17:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was involved in a phone interview. Who ever thought that this was a good idea, was horribly wrong. It lasted less the 10 minutes. And in those 10 minutes the woman on the other line was trying to decide if I was worth the effort. It's sad to think that your whole person can be whittled down to a 10 minute conversation. When you are in that situation there is really nothing that you can say that will make you sound great. The whole time the conversation is going on you are thinking, " what would they want me to say?" Whatever you say, you are screwed. You end up fumbling over your words and your conversation starts going in circles. At one point it sounds as though this is your first conversation using the English language that you learned while herding sheep through the rocky slopes of Switzerland. That conversation was not one of my greatest moments.
After the whole ordeal the woman on the other end asked me to take a personality assessment test online, to see if my personality was suitable for the job. The torture continues. I went home later that night and took the test. The first two parts were lists of about 100 adjectives. The first time I had to go through and choose the words that other people would use to describe me. If you want other people's opinions about me, why don't you ask me for references instead of playing this stupid game. The second part was the same list but this time I had to choose the words that I would use to describe myself. Yippie. The last part of this test gave me bad flashbacks to when I was trying to write my college essay. It read, " In your on words, write about your personality, please take as much space as you need." I was very tempted to write that I like big pink fluffy bunnies and kittens that like to play with balls of yarn. If they would just cut through the crap and actually talked to me in person, they would get an idea of what kind of person I am, rather in making me take the SATs again. I really just think that they make people take these things just so they would have something to laugh at throughout their day. Needless to say, I probably won't get a second chance with them. That's okay with me, cause I am destined for bigger and better things. Destiny is just having some problems finding me right now.

2004-08-27T00:16:00.000-04:00

Doesn't she just looking smashing in that bright orange jumpsuit?

Playing with your Balls

2004-08-26T23:49:00.000-04:00

It's late and I can't sleep. I'm watching Martha Stewart. Don't ask me why. She's trying to learn how to juggle bean bags. Because its' Martha Stewart, she had to learn how to make her own balls. It must be a big faux pas for her to play with other peoples' balls. HA! She had to bring in a world-class juggler to help her figure it out. I don't know about you, but I never had that kinda help. Then again, I'm not the one going to jail. It's kinda funny to watch her episodes and try to figure out how she's going to incorporate her skill in the slammer. For example. " Oh please Mrs. Big Bertha, I don't want to be your bitch. Instead, how would you like to learn how to make your own bean bags and learn how to juggle? It's a good thing." Five minutes latter Martha is bent over backwards, and from then on when she walks down the hallway it sounds like a rice filled piniata is coming. I wonder if she's still going to keep up her magazine. Maybe she could add a new section. "How to make concrete walls more inviting".

Tasty first name

2004-08-25T21:16:00.000-04:00

With my name, I get called a lot of things. I can't even count the number of versions that I have of my name. Lately Lula has become popular. Just the other day someone called me Hula. Who would name their child Hula? That's barely a dance, not a name. Lula, I can see being someone's name, but I would feel very sorry for them. Yesterday, we were all joking about all the nicknames that I have aquired and for some reason Goulach came up. Maybe I brought it up, I can't remember. So I was thinking. I've never had Goulach, why don't I make some. So, today I made some. Wednesdays are usually the days I get the chance to make dinner and experiment a little. I'm looking at it right now, and it doesn't look that bad. But then again, I don't really have a reference point, cause I've never had any. Ben will be home any minute, so we'll see if he likes it. It's very rare that he doesn't like something that I've made. He would eat a lump of dirt if you covered it in chocolate syrup and whip cream. If anyone wants to try some, lemme know.

Help!!!! PLEASE!!!

2004-08-24T15:10:00.000-04:00

I need to find a new job. Something that has nothing to do with people. Maybe I should move out to the woods dig a hole and live in it. Cause it doesn't seem like anyone wants to hire me. Even my mama would ask to see my references. Now isn't that just sad? I think so. SO sad that I think that anyone that reads this should offer me a job just out of pure pity for me. Something that pays in the lower to Mid thirties would be great, thanks. If you could just let me know as soon as possible, it would be awesome. This is what I have resorted to. If someone gets me a new job that can have my first born, cause I wasn't really planning on keeping it anyways. Toodles!

Tequila

2004-08-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Someone gave me a big bottle of Tequila tonight. You know what that means! Break out the piniata, cause Voula's gonna be drinking tonight! Yeipppa!!

Everything you always wanted to know about sex*

2004-08-16T18:52:00.000-04:00

* circa 1969

This is a passage from a book that Mike mysteriously found laying around. I thought it was too good not to share with everyone. The following passage is a tale from a prostitute explaining how she started turning trick:

"First of all, don't think I'm making excuses. I know what I'm doing and I like it- I could quit anytime. I started screwing when I was fourteen. In the crummy hick town where I grew up there wasn't anything else to do. By the time I was seventeen I'd laid every john in the country. I wasn't a hustler then- I mean I'd let 'em take me out to dinner and all that , but I just did it for kicks. I got married when I was 18 and we moved to the city-boy, what a jerk he was! After six months, I left him and got a job in a bar. There wasn't much to do so I started screwing around again. We have a couple of hookers working the bar and I got friendly with them. One day they said to me,"Jesus, what're you giving it away for? You want to put us out of business?" After closing time that night we went out for a few drinks together and they laid it out for me. I tried in a couple of times with guys they sent over and it wasn't so bad. I mean, I get paid for what I was throwing away before and the johns get what they want, so everybody is happy."

Author of the book commenting: " Unfortunately Rhonda missed one point: in prostitution, nobody's happy. "

This is from a book called " Everything you ever wanted to know about sex", Woody Allen even made a movie based off of it. It's just scary to realize that people thought like this at one point. In 30 years I wonder how stupid we are going to sound like?

The Desire to do Nothing (but drugs)

2004-08-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

I need a nap. I'm so tired that I can't do anything . I especially can't do any work. I am stuck here for an other 2 1/2 hours, and just the though of that makes me wanna crawl under my desk and cry. I have to be a good example in front of the associates, because they have impressionable young minds. Just say no to drugs and don't smoke. We should start a D.A.R.E. program in the office, but instead of saying drugs are bad we should promote them. The first thing you would do in the morning is warm a bowl, and then as the day progressed you would increasing take more and more potent drugs. By the end of the day you'll have track marks down to your ass. It would make working in this environment a lot more bearable. My boyfriend just called and told me that I need to give him more blowjobs. Fuck That!! What about my needs?? Typical.

Just a little crush

2004-08-13T15:23:00.000-04:00

I think that I have come to the realization that I have a crush on Claire from Six Feet Under. Well, her character at least. Ahhh... art school.

Straight Incognito

2004-08-13T14:54:00.000-04:00

I've made a new goal for myself. I've decided to try becoming a lesbian. Ok, well maybe not a full fledged one, but if I end up breaking up with Ben in the next month or so I may just have to go all the way. Surprisingly, there is actually a good possibility of that. On my Friendster profile I have changed my status to single and looking to date women. I did this a few days ago and so far I have gotten two responses. One from a woman that said we have a lot of similarities in common,which right off the bat freaked me out, cause why would I want to date someone like me? The second one was a 10 on the scale of freakiness. The picture that she has on her profile sent chills down my spine. I can honestly say that she looks like a crack head. On top of that she wanted me to be her roommate when she moved to D.C. next month. As Nate eloquently put it, "don't let her go down on you.....She might not come back up ," yikes! I've always had fantasies about woman, I think that we'll just keep it at that for now. If anyone knows any good lesbians around, lemme know. At the very least we can become very close friends.

The First Night

2004-08-09T16:18:00.000-04:00

So last night was the first of a week of nights that I was alone. I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been alone in such a long time. So I did what anyone else would do. I watched porn and went to sleep.

Random Thoughts of the Day

2004-08-08T19:09:00.000-04:00

My head hurts and I don't know why. I also think I am getting sick. I can taste it in the back of my throat. Ben is gone.
The other day I looked out of my living room window to the apartment across the way. There were about 3 people standing outside smoking pot at 2 in the afternoon. I have nothing against pot, God knows it's helped me out, but gimme a break.
I will be sleeping alone for the next week. Ben is working overnight because of the Jewish Olympic games for pre-pubescent teenagers. They need someone to be there 24/7 in case of an emergency. Basically he's gonna get paid to sleep. I've never slept alone in my apartment before. It's gonna be weird. I feel like I should have an orgy, but that seems like too much effort to put together. He wants me to bring him a pillow, at the same time Six Feet Under is gonna be on. Which one do I pick? The boyfriend of 3+ years or the show. It's a hard decision that's gonna take some time.
I had a dream last night that no one wanted to have sex with me. It was kinda of depressing. Then I awake to Ben poking me with his member, and I tell him I'm not in the mood. How ironic is that, I got so depressed from my dream I didn't want to have sex.
Speaking of sex, I am on the hunt for a new piece of jewelry for my hood piercing. Preferably one that can do tricks, if anyone knows of a place, lemme know. The End.

The Spirit Within

2004-08-03T19:34:00.000-04:00

When I was driving to work today, after I spent the morning having an emotional breakdown, I saw something inspiring. As I was waiting at a light on North Capitol I saw this woman on a bench wearing earphones and listening to music. She was so overcome by the music it seemed like she was in her own little world. She was flailing her arms and stomping her feet to the beat of the music while swaying back and forth. It was to a level of a spiritual experience. She had this passion within her and she just had to let it out. She didn't care who was around her, or what anyone thought of her enthusiasm, all that mattered was she was listening. I sat in my car and watched her for the whole 3 minutes I sat there. It was mesmerizing. I actually began to envy her. I don't have that kind of passion in my life right now about anything. She has so much of it that even listening to her favorite song can't enclose it. I'm probably just making a big deal of of nothing, but watching that woman on the bench has been the best part of my day.

Give a dog a Bone.

2004-08-02T16:31:00.000-04:00

I've talked to a lot of people today. They all know my name, and that scares me. Although, now that I think about it the majority of them think my name is Lula, so it can't be all that bad. They have become my "pets", as we like to call them in the office. Subscribers that will ask for me by name until the day I quit. Sooner rather then latter, lets hope. I wake up in the morning and think to myself, "who will I befriend today?" I actually have an Excel spreadsheet that tells me all about my pets. Who they are,why they are mad at me, and what dates they don't want to see me. It's like have 50 firbies all lined up ready to charge at you, except I can't take the batteries out of these. Sometimes, they get SO upset with me that they don't want to be my pet anymore and ask to have someone else care for them. That's usually fine with me. They say that there have been studies that show if you own a pet you will live longer and have lower blood pressure. If that's the case I have enough pets to live forever right now. The unfortunate thing is I think they are giving me an ulcer. But who can complain about an ulcer if you are gonna live forever, right?

Seeing Double

2004-08-01T12:25:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream that was on the side of being very weird. It involved Ben (my boyfriend) and it involved Ben but a different version. I was cheating on Ben with an other version of Ben. This probably doesn't make sense to you but very little things that come out of my dreams do. It was also set at my parents house, which I haven't lived in since I left for college. All I really remember is trying to get the "better" version of Ben out the door before the "not so great version", came home. I guess Ben shouldn't really get mad that I dreamed about cheating on him. He should be flattered that I think so much of him that my subconscious had to create an other one. It was very interesting, and I think I'll just leave it at that.

A kick in the HEad!

2004-07-31T19:28:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those days were you just wanna quit your job and move to Shrilanka? Well, for me, that day has extended for about 2 weeks now. Work stresses me out so much that I have developed an eye twitch. That's not a joke I literally have a twitch! That can't be a good sign. An average work day consists of me calling people to let them know that they can't park when they come to see the shows at the Theatre. These calls on average last about 20 mins and usually involves someone being really pissed at me. I can't blame them, I would be a little annoyed too if someone called and told me that. On the other hand some people take it a little to the extreme. The world is not going to end if you have to walk a block to get to the theater. Walking is good for you. Maybe we should just get a fleet of those little scooter things that old people use, and just have them waiting across the street for those people that forgot they have legs. People just make a big deal over stupid stuff. 50 years from now you aren't gonna care if you had to walk a block or 2 to get to your destination. God forbid that you suggest that they use the Metro! Just the thought of Public Transportation to some people makes them feel like middle class. We wouldn't want any of our rich ass subscribers to think that they are one of us. I need to find a new job, and I am working on it. So, when someone calls to bitch about parking to me I can tell them to just kiss my ass.

Naughty little things

2004-07-26T18:44:00.000-04:00

I think I get off on getting revenge on people, especially when it involves doing something naughty. It's the most amazing feeling when you do something like that. More specifically, if the other person doesn't even know you did anything. A lot of people like to talk and whisper behind people's back but I like to use action to get my satisfaction. Most people don't know the range of my craziness and how far I will really go to feel that satisfaction. I'll do it, and if you cross me, you will wish your mama never gave it up to your Daddy.

2004-07-25T14:51:00.000-04:00

So, I'm bored, sitting at home and just taking it easy. I decided to take advantage of On Demand, and find something interesting to watch. I stumbled upon Real Sex on HBO. Right now I am watching the making of a male sex doll that has interchangeable penises. The doll even has a pump that jizzes on you. And for only $7,999.99 you can have one of your own. It sounds great and all, doesn't talk, doesn't smell, and he'll always be ready when you are and for as long as your little heart desires. There's only one issue that I have with this. There are very few women out there that can't find sex if they really needed it. There aren't very many single men out there that would deny a woman sex if she demanded it. Unless you have buck teeth, a lazy eye, more hair on your ass then on your head, and you smell like the daily catch down at the local fish market you have a pretty good chance of getting laid. Now, don't get me wrong, if I had an excess amount of money I would probably buy one. Who wouldn't love to just smack that dummy around and watch that silicone giggle?
There was also a segment all about people who get off about pretending to be a horse. Now this was just weird. I am very openminded when it comes to the subject of sex, but I guess this justing isn't my thing (which I am very happy about.) They would get all dressed up, saddles and all. Then they would get on each other's shoulders and gallop around the field. The thing that disturbed me the most was the horse sounds that they were making. I couldn't get behind that. The sound just disturbed me. It's something that you really have to see to understand. I thought that I was complicated because I like to use a vibrator, at least I don't need to wear a saddle and reins to get off.

A picture is worth......

2004-07-23T00:32:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I found all these pictures on the internet while staying up late cause I couldn't sleep. I also figured out how to post pictures on here, which will probably end up causing trouble.

2004-07-23T00:30:00.000-04:00

Hee Hee Hee... poor Tony, I had no idea.

2004-07-23T00:29:00.000-04:00

You know this is what he really was thinking everytime he had to take off his sweater.

2004-07-23T00:26:00.000-04:00

I found this picture and i just had to post it.

2004-07-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

Propaganda from the Neverland Ranch

A place to call Home.

2004-07-22T22:39:00.000-04:00

So, I did some apartment looking today. Things like this make me wish that I just gave in and moved in with my parents again when I graduated college. Living in this area of MD isn't helping the situation either. You either pay out of your ass, or you have to watch our ass so you don't get shot. Take your pick. The place that I live now, being white means that you are in the very small minority. I have nothing against people of color, whether they are red cause I smacked them in the face or green cause I kicked them in the stomach. I dated a big black man for a while ( taking a moment to reminisce *sigh*). In my opinion you can't sleep with someone outside your race and still be called a racist. So anyway, back to what I was saying. If you step outside of my apartment, it's like stepping into Westside Story, minus the cool dance numbers and snazzy finger snapping, (they use their fingers for other things around here). On one side you have the black people that play Jay-Z and 50cent at high volumes, and on the opposite side you have the Latino lovers that play Latin music as loud as their Walmart stereos can go. Surprisingly it's pretty loud. The most unfortunate part is the music has the beat of bongos over-layed with the sound of a cat in heat and being skinned at the same time. I guess it could be worst, they could all be playing country music.

Old as Dirt

2004-07-19T19:51:00.000-04:00

One day I am going to be old. One day you are gonna be old. One day we will both be dead. How scary is that. What's there to look forward to? Now there is something to think about when you are lying awake in bed at night and can't go to sleep. And I bet you hate me now. Well this is what I have to say about that; welcome to my world, BITCH!

Me be YOu

2004-07-19T18:33:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Not like a celebrity or any of those crazy people, but just someone that you run into on a day to day basis. It could be a co-worker or the neighbor down the street. When I ask, have you ever wanted to be someone else, I don't mean forever. Maybe a few hours or a week or two. Just enough time to experience what they are. Interact with the people they know, have sex with their lover, understand their emotions. That would be a great performance piece if someone could figure out how to do it. They would be in the Hirshorn in an instant. If there was a way to pull it off you could know if your life really sucks, or if everything was just a facade. This is my random thought of the day.

43 @ 23

2004-07-18T14:11:00.000-04:00

I hear a lot of stories from people, of all the great adventures and things that they have recently done. I stop and think, " What's the last fun and exciting thing I've done?" (that's me thinking) And when I can't think of the last time I did anything remotely adventurous I get sad. Not sad like, " Boo Hoo," sad, but more like, "what the fucking am I doing !" sad. Just a few years ago I can remember all these crazy ass things that I did, like make out with my female friend for money in bars, and smile. Now all I do is work at a job that pays me the wage of Russian cheese packer, and go home. I am 23, yet I feel like my life has fast forwarded to 43, minus the perks of having a good paying job. Maybe I had so much fun when I was in college that I used up all my "fun points", and now I am destined to never experience that level of fun again. Or God hates me, one or the other.
Maybe I should start over, the temptation is always there. Get up one day and move to California. The unfortunate part is I have no money and I would be homeless in 2 weeks if I did that. But it would be exciting. Maybe I should do what my sister did. Find some older man on the internet that lives on the other side of the country. Run off with him leaving my friends and my family and just fuck him all day and never have to work. Sound good to me.
Sometimes I think about starting to work on my art again. Maybe that will help me, and get me where I want to be. " That's a great idea!" ( that's me thinking again.) But what do I want to say, and who will give a fuck? I have nothing to say and no one will care. Damnit, I should have gone to grad school, what was I thinking? At least then my mind wouldn't be moosh from doing mindless tasks all day for people who don't care. To quote the scarecrow, " If I only had a brain."

I hate kids!

2004-07-15T12:41:00.000-04:00

I decided this year that I would plant a small vegetable garden. It's something that my dad has always done since as long as I can remember. I thought that it would be a great little project for me, and the results would taste good too. Last night I went to take the dog out for a pee and I decided to look and see how the progress was going. There was about 5 tomatoes that morning,that were of good size, but magically they had seemed to disappear. In the area that I live there are unfortunately a lot of kids. And what is even more unfortunate is that these kids have no supervision or guidance from any of the adults. It turns out that these kids decided that it would a great idea to steal all the tomatoes and smash them on the sidewalk a few feet away. Now growing up, I was taught that I should respect other people's property and things. But apparently now a days that doesn't seem to matter. I have spent a lot of time, effort and money on these plants, and I am not willing to give it up because of some fucked up kid. You would also think that if you talked to the parents of the children then they would straighten them out. But they don't give a fuck about their children, sometimes I wonder if they even know their kids' names. All they do is sit on their ass and say that they are not responsible for their kids' actions. Wait till the social workers come banging on their door, we will see if their tone changes. When it comes down to it, it's not really the kids fault if they don't know any better. But goddamnit, leave my motherfucking tomatoes alone.

End of the world

2004-07-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I woke up late, but amazingly still decided to make it to work. On my one hour journey to work, give or take a few minutes, I saw one of the many signs that the world would soon come to an end. As I was driving down North Capitol in the middle of D.C. coming from the opposite direction I saw the monstrosity that we call a Hummer. Inside this Hummer was a man in a business suit holding a Starbucks cup and trying to talk on the phone at the same time. What I found even more amusing was as he cruised on by he swerved into the neighboring lane so he could avoid a pot hole. Now, these vehicles were originally used in military combat, but this guy thinks that a pot hole might ruin he traction. When you see one of these cars (and I use that term loosely) you think that Indiana Jones and all his buds are riding in it, not some D.C. business man that has more money then his ass can hold. I am not one of those activist that want to save the whales and the dolphins and all the other cute animals, but driving one of those things in the middle of a city in just a blinding disregard for everything.

Virgin

2004-07-12T19:51:00.000-04:00

I have nothing to say yet, but give it some time.